oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
