So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
God, I missed his penis.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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