okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
