my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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