Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...

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(716): View more from New York

her body is proportioned like a family guy character

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.

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(813): View more from Florida

that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.

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(239): View more from Florida

Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.

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(425): View more from Washington

I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.

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(406): View more from Montana

bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.

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(817): View more from Texas

Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair

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