I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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