and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
being pregnant is like rehab
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize