My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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