ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
40s are totally the cure
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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