The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
