I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize