this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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