Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
