i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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