I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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