look no pants
I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
