You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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