your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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