So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
