Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
