When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
