god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
