why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
