and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
