Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
