I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
