I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
