I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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