whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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