Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
