while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
