he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
