who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
