she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
