i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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