imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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