you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
