What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
