My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize