I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
