Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
