if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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