You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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