Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
4 words: hood of his car
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
