Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize