I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
