the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
