Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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