he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
