The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
