theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
