Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
