Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
