So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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