he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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