nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize