So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am available for nakedness
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
