We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let's get the cat blown out
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
