Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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