I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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