just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
