when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
