Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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