he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
