Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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