I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
