i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
