i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
