my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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