I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
