I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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