I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize