She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
