Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
